The Coaches Corner has been using the book, The 7 Principles for Making Your Marriage Work written by Nan Silver and John Gottman. We are at the last point of the series which Gottman states is to “Create shared meaning”. Most of the time when we think of marriage we think of the house, the kids, and the vacations. We create this picture of two people sharing chores, responsibilities, and unlimited love making because you are husband and wife.
In our culture we think that looking like that family on tv or that neighbor next door is the ideal of marriage. Looking like you have a good marriage is different from actually having one. We use items and things to hide who we really are in our relationships. Especially when things are not going well. These things give the image that a couple looks fine or great but are typically stuck and unhappy.
This will occur when couples do not create shared meaning. Gottman suggests that happy couples create a family culture that encompasses both spouses’ dreams. This comes from a couple being open to each other’s thought and opinions. Gottman further expresses that marriage has a spiritual dimension which requires creating an inner life together. Building such a relationship where value each other’s roles and cherish each person’s value as it relates to your family together.
In a nutshell, Gottman says when you have developed and worked through the layers of self and build together; happy couples naturally come together through various tough times.
Have you created shared meaning with your spouse? What shared meaning have you created together that keeps your marriage alive?
(The information from this blog series has been adopted from the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver, 2017)
“Healthy Living Begins with Healthy Thinking”